Something Dour and Affected

Last one

2005-03-08T06:27:50Z

So long and thanks for all the fish.

Not You

2005-03-07T01:38:00Z

Two specimens of a newly discovered type of Titi Monkey. Ha. Ha. Ha. Titi Monkey, get it?

11th Avenue

2005-03-04T20:31:43Z

Spring is a time of renewal and growth and in the sprit of the season, I have resigned my possition at WJBX-FM and taken a job at KUPD in Phoenix. My last day will be March 11th.

Dempsey

2005-01-10T19:08:47Z

I was dreaming that the dog had streched his belly over my face and was trying to pee in my mouth.

"Fucking thing, get off me" was rewarded with "Dont hit my dog" and I awoke not sure I hadnt been teabagged by a terrier.

MA11

2005-01-06T08:53:01Z

Hunger

Comfort

Hygiene

Energy

Fun

Social

Bladder

Room

Funk

D Latinos

2004-12-30T05:18:24Z

Linkin Park and the American Red Cross have charity that will assist victims of the tsunamis that have ravaged southern Asia. LP fired it up by donating $100,000 to the cause. My buddy Greg has made quite a few donations in Thailand but they have been of a different variety.

An Elvis Presley fan is selling three tablespoons of water from a cup Presley once used onstage during a 1977 concert for $455 on eBay. Attention old ladies of Southwest Florida: If you’ve ever wanted to get a mouthful of Elvis’ fluids, now is your chance.

Liza Minnelli has been hospitalized after falling and hitting her head. Ow. The extent of her injuries are not known. Her bodyguard called emergency services when he couldn't lift the singer up after her fall. My question? How fat does Liza Minnelli gotta be where a 280 pound Vig Rames look-alike cant pick her big ass up off the Floor? That “guy” David Guest said that Liza used to hit him so hard he would bruise but he didn’t add that it was when she was on top.

Cameron Diaz is a huge fan of TV show Desperate Housewives, so much so she’s signed up for a brief cameo role on the aforementioned program. Im assuming the role is “rich whore down the street who is humping the pool boy while her husband pays for that SUV she drives.” Or maybe not. I don’t know. I really don’t know what that show is about.

So the cat from Law & Order star Jerry Orbach has died of prostate cancer at age 69. Which is sad and makes my habit of TiVo’ing every permutation of that show that much creepier. I like Law and Order but what I really think we need is a show called Crime and Drugs maybe where a bunch of guys start a TV show financed solely by illicit activities with the singular intent of garnering even more money and picking up chicks just this side of 18. Not that I would know a show like that. Nope. Not me.

And to wrap it all up, Courtney Love has passed on the chance to appear in a new reality TV show: Celebrity Boot Camp. It was gonna be her, Kelly Ripa and Pam Anderson. Ms. Love passed on the chance stating she wasn’t going to let anyone publicly humiliate her. And I can assure you that what ever joke you have right now is much funnier than the one I have here on the piece of paper. And that is it and that is all. Please email me Fitz99X@aol.com, listen to my radio program on New Rock 99X, and this is Lounge TV with Andy Howard.

Schik

2004-12-27T23:30:34Z

What is more annyoing than a militant lesbian? Yes, gentle reader, I agree: a vegan. And what is more annoying than a vegan? A Freegan which is all the passive/agressive dietary jihad coupled with a political "message".

And by message I mean "REALLY GET BACK AT MY PARENTS THIS TIME."

ha. Ha. HA!

2004-12-27T20:14:59Z

fitz99x @ 2004-12-24T20:08:00

2004-12-25T01:22:56Z

xmas party at fitz99x's house!!

jenarael
jenarael drank 7 absinthes, 15 mescals, 4 everclears, 12 gins, 5 brandys and 13 tequilas.

jenarael accused shelbyblue of having sold their brothers vibrator to slovakian terrorists in exchange for a guided tour
of a gay brothel in minsk.

jenarael was by far the most pissed by the end of the night and even admitted to being
rather partial to the odd Coldplay track.

shelbyblue
shelbyblue drank 12 sambuccas, 13 poteens, 10 ciders, 9 whiskeys, 3 tequilas and 7 hot toddys.

shelbyblue admitted that they openly stole from the poor. they went on to explain that
they used this money to fuel their addiction to cough medicine.

groovenaut
groovenaut drank 11 kahluas, 10 mescals, 9 vodkas, 4 bloody marys, a red wine and 12 cosmopolitans.

groovenaut and briotheleo took a shower together where they proceeded to hump like rabbits of the
night

_callie_
_callie_ drank 11 cosmopolitans, 6 tequilas, 12 poteens, 12 bloody marys and 5 aligator bites.

fitz99x
fitz99x drank 4 goldschlagers, 15 stouts, 11 bloody marys and 11 pulques.

losingluna
losingluna drank 4 absinthes.

briotheleo
briotheleo drank 12 gins, 2 pulques, 8 lagers, a goldschlager and 11 champagnes.

meganbnl
meganbnl drank a white wine, 13 mescals, 7 cognacs, 3 vodkas and 8 goldschlagers.

guidianangel
guidianangel drank 6 goldschlagers, 6 brandys and 12 champagnes.

vomitincereal
vomitincereal drank 14 pulques and 9 everclears.

neverwalkedaway
neverwalkedaway drank 12 champagnes.

crasch
crasch drank 10 kahluas and an everclear.

Well it must have been a good party! A total of 5 people barfed everywhere including jenarael, shelbyblue, groovenaut, _callie_, briotheleo.

Xmas Party?

Drunken fights, hammer attacks, glorious turkeys, ridiculous amounts of alcohol, sex, drugs and rock n roll

Enter your name below to experience the ultimate in complete useless bollocks!

Good Times

2004-12-25T00:42:45Z

ShawnRivers775: do you play any instruments?
Fitz 99X: yes
Fitz 99X: The Punahni
ShawnRivers775: the what?
Fitz 99X: The Punahni.
ShawnRivers775: never heard of it..
Fitz 99X: Thats too bad. Its really cool.
ShawnRivers775: awesome
Fitz 99X: I completely agree. I didnt start playing The Punahni til I was 17 but Im a total junkie.
ShawnRivers775: nice, hey i gtg
ShawnRivers775: merry Christmas
ShawnRivers775: later
Fitz 99X: See ya!

Bad Camera

2004-12-23T00:54:28Z

Below is a link to the Chyna/X-Pac sex video. Hes not the videotographer that Tommy Lee is but Chyna sucks dick exactly opposite the way Paris Hilton does. Paris does it like there is poison on it where as Chyna does it like the cure for cancer is in there.

Chyna also has a clit the size of a tomato worm but a little thicker.

http://submissions.newsfilter.org/show.php?id=11838

More Crash Bang

2004-12-20T19:13:04Z

A hit and run driver did just as the namesake.

Non-Recoupables:

Crushed rear quarter panel
Blown out rear right tire
Bent rim

Crash Bang

2004-12-16T23:27:52Z

I fell off my motorcycle today and bounced like a fucking check.

Non-Recoupables:

Bent brake pedal
Knee dented tank
Ruined pants

Recoupables:

Scraped leg
Broken first metacarpal bone.

Bad Lighting

2004-12-15T04:03:53Z

I bet you think Im laughing at you. I might be.

Dr. Millman

2004-12-15T01:30:05Z

I brought coffee to a woman I used to date and she enjoyed drinking it quite a bit but not as much as I did knowning I shot a snot rocket into it.

Green Book

2004-12-14T00:04:09Z

I hate doing the right thing. Every time I do the right thing I enjoy life a little less as a result of it. While I don’t enjoy causing harm, unless they asked for it, restraint somehow leaves the bitter taste in my mouth that is the supposed earmark of showing a lack of the aforementioned.

Recently I found myself kissing a woman and not the sort of kissing that means you are getting in your car with high hopes for next time but rather the sort of kissing that means your prayers have been answered. Her and I were loaded on scotch and good times and as she lay on the bed before me beautiful, acquiescent, supple, willing, I lied.

“No, I don’t have condom. We’ll have to wait tomorrow.” Knowing full well I had two in my coat pocket. Earlier my roommates had busted my chops about not bringing a rubber and I had told them,

“I don’t need that. I got box of “pulling out” in the car.”

And they slipped the condos in my pocked when I wasn’t looking and I had found them when putting on my jacket.

Her and I went to sleep and she kicked me out the next day so she could go to work. I was drunk but she was drunker and in light of our inequitable inebriation and more importantly, the unique nature of her and my friendship, I did the “right” thing and have been kicking myself in the ass ever since over this missed chance for evil and conquest.

Some people say “Yeah, I’m a bastard” and it’s bravado, a fashion statement but I wonder about me some times. I really don’t like how the coat looks but I sure enjoy cut.

I am never doing the right thing again.

Short Stack

2004-12-11T03:05:45Z

I went to my company Christmas party last night got loaded and then unloaded at 7 in the morning from the bed I was sleeping on. After leaving the place I woke up at I went to Perkins which was an OCD watchers dream.

Lola, the 58,673 year old waitress spoke with a bass note usually reserved for the villan in Wagnerian opera and the guy across from me kept washing his silverwear in his water glass.

He was worried that he was going to get cooties from a fork but the food comming from the same kitchen was ok.

Recently I just crashed and was ejected from a party at Cru. Some nest of lawyers/finance people were doing it up and didnt care for my help. People always say "its impossible to find good help these days" and then they run me off. How many times have you heard late in the evening,

"Here, help me drink this drink"?

PLENTY.

And Im just that sort of help being the hard living Neutral Evil man that I am.

The Cleric Hates Me

2004-12-08T00:56:56Z

You scored as Neutral Evil. A neutral evil person does whatever they can get away with. They shed no tears for those they have hurt, and only care about themselves. These people do not necessarily love conflict and chaos, however- they truly care only for themselves. Ignoring laws or using them to their advantage, these people do whatever they can get away with.

</td>

Neutral Evil

90%

True Neutral

80%

Lawful Evil

75%

Chaotic Evil

65%

Chaotic Good

60%

Chaotic Neutral

55%

Neutral Good

50%

Lawful Neutral

35%

Lawful Good

35%

What is your Alignment?
created with QuizFarm.com

100 Dollar Bill is also known as a C-Note

2004-12-02T05:03:09Z

Cant and wont are very differnt words.

YOU!

2004-11-26T22:05:16Z

Wishbone

2004-11-26T21:00:57Z

I was invited to my friend Mike's parent's house for Thanksgiving. Mike's parrents are nice folks, just the type of bluehairs you'd love to have living next door: Loaded, fun, and used to own a liquor store on the beach.

His father, Ed, is in his seventies and his mom is a tad younger. Mike also invited his buddy Willie over. Willie had been drinking since eight AM and by two in the afternoon, wouldnt stop giving Mike's dad tittie-twisters.

First thing: tittie-twisters suck. They werent funny in the 9th grade and probably should be illegal for people over the age of 17 to perform. And I wont pretend to know how Thanksgiving shakes out in your home, gentle reader, but Im sure that tittie-twisters arnt on the menu.

Secondly: who wants to give a tittie-twister to a 72 year old man? Non-stop. For three hours. Willie was working those things like he was in a Vegas strip bar.

Now, Ive been thrown out of a lot of places but never have a I been thrown out of a Thanksgiving dinner and I now have an approximate idea of how far I can go with Ed on major holidays. I wonder where Willie ate.

Potato

2004-11-20T00:13:27Z

I was on my way to work when I saw a car with a sticker "I support special equestrians". Thats just what we need: retards on horse back. Look, if superman cant manage to not fall of an bust his neck, what chance does Mr. Congenital Disease 1983 have?

Bad Monkeys

2004-11-19T22:52:16Z

http://www.b15sentra.net/forums/showthread.php?t=99224

Kracka's Dont Matter

2004-11-13T03:26:40Z

Recently I was talking about the new GTA game on air with a listener; I dont think Ive ever heard the word "nigga" that many times outside of a NWA album. That game is so heavy with the N word that Chris Rock is saying "Damn! They be saying nigga a lot".

When I came back to playing the call on the radio, I edited the word "nigga" out of the call. Mostly. Should I have?

Index Finger

2004-11-12T05:54:55Z

I hit a guy so hard hit lip swelled up like a purple rope. Ratings will be out again soon and I'll be aiming to break his nose this time.

Cant wait.